you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
