it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
