I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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