Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
