You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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