Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
