Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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