Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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