If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
