Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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