Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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