where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude. I can hear the air.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
