i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Terrible idea I love it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize