This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
