Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
