shes about as inviting as chlamydia
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
