Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
