so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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