he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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