He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
