I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
