I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
soo... how was my night?
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