She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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