i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
