Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize