She said her name was "party"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
