A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
