If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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