Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Operation Purity has been aborted
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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