he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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