areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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