I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
