I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
