Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
