I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
