The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
