Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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