If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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