I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
