Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize