i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
