I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
