I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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