Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
whose parrot is this?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
