I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
