Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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