textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
