where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
