Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
