come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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