Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
