Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
