A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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