If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
