I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
