having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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