Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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