That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This is the prime rib incident all over again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize