JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
