I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize