planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
