Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
