Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
