Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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