he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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