4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
