I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
