oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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