TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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