When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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