Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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