Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
