she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
tell me about the fingering
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