I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
