Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
