Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
